Joke 1
"A man wants his picture painted, so he calls a painter.
When the painter arrives, he asks: Which background color do you want?
                                   Red or Green?
And to this the man answers: It doesn't matter, I'm riding my bike!"

Joke 2: Hole in One
"A rabbi received a beautiful set of golf clubs, but it 
was the Sabbath.
He decided to sneak out and play anyway.
St. Peter saw this and said to God, 'Look at him. He's playing 
on your day. You should punish him.'
God said, ' Okay watch:'
The rabbi lined up, hit the golf ball, and made a perfect hole in one!
St. Peter said, ' what kind of punishment is that?' 
To which God replied, "Who is he going to tell?'"

Joke 3
"A teacher cautiosly approaches the subject of sex education with her 
4th grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity
for sexual innuendo.
But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.
Finally towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples
of sex education from the class.
One little boy raises his hand, 'I saw a bird in her nest with some 
eggs.' 'Very good, William,' cooed the teacher.
'My mommy had a baby,'  said little Esther. 'Oh, that's nice,' 
replied the teacher.
Finally, lttle Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation,
the teacner calls on him. 'I was watchin' TV yesterday, and 
I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds 
of indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every
one of them with his 2 guns.'
The teacher was relieved, but puzzled, 'And what does that have to 
do with sex education, Johnny?' 
'It'll teach those indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger!'"

Joke 4

It seems that there was a little old church out in the countryside: 
painted white and with a high steeple. One Sunday, the pastor noticed
that his church needed painting. He checked out the Sunday ads and 
found a paint sale. The next day, he went into town and 
bought a gallon of white paint. He went back out to the church and
began the job. He got done with the first side. It was looking great. 
But he noticed he had already used a half gallon. He didn't want to 
run back in town and being the creative person that he was, he 
found a gallon of thinner in the shed out back, and began to thin 
his paint. It worked out great. He finished the remaining three 
sides with that last half gallon of paint. 
That night, it rained: it rained hard. The next morning when he 
stepped outside of the parsonage to admire his work, he saw 
that the first side was looking great, but that the paint on 
the other three sides had washed away. The pastor looked up in 
sky in anguish and cried out, "What shall I do?" 

A voice came back from the heavens saying, "Repaint, and thin no more!" 


















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